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Day 21 : Running out of Patience ?

Updated: Apr 19, 2020

Exactly 3 minutes before today's prime minister address to nation, I opened my eyes from my dreams to the reality of despairs. Initially I was going to write today's post summarizing all of what I saw in 21 days as initial lockdown. And some motivation giving lines but events of today has made me to write this post in as dark tone as possible.

After the news of lockdown extension till 3 may was announced, I kinda thought that this 15 days if passed without mistakes then it will be win win situation for Indians. The next days will have very strict lockdown following evaluation and then rising restrictions according to need.  After news social media was filled with jokes and memes of staying inside and going insane. And forgot to mention classic due to less air pollution, this and that is visible memes😅

In last three weeks, I saw the things that would take years to see. I wrote everything that I saw around. Not to forget; thousands of teacher starting to make videos and taking classes online. I read how students at home are completing their assignments in google docs are chatting inside it. Parents think they are doing work but many are just chatting inside with their other friends. Amazing to see how weddings were taking place without people. My many friends asked me if I was selling my old gaming console. I was trying to sell from last year but no one called. Boredom led them to ask me about it. Nevertheless I didn't sold it. Everyone out their sitting in homes are recalling the good memories, seeing old photos and getting nostalgic sharing them on internet. There are always people with contacts and who can get stuff like in Shawshank Redemption, yes in my town people still can get bakery items and other famous local food. Most of them are making it at home. I read news that lockdown has surged traffic on explicit websites. And TikTok like I mentioned in previous post. TikTok is explicit for people like me. Also the biggest cricket event of India - IPL is stalling. There is almost zero chance that it will not be cancelled. Many will be getting great ideas in this days for earning and starting bushiness but they don't matter as future is unpredictable. The morale of living broke out from somewhere stood in front of all souls with uncertainty in every breathe.

Morning went away in reading news and in afternoon I wrote on blog. At around 5 PM, papa told me that thousands of migrant workers have come outside. This was the fear and it happened. I thought that state and central government should stop fighting with each other and do something for it. Are they not doing enough. Soon police charged on them. I was so hurt by seeing people in need of food who want to go home beaten up.

I was numb that everything was going right and now this event will bring dangerous consequences. Went outside for few minutes in open air and then came back. I asked papa what will happen now. By seeing them other people across will nation will start to gather and leave for homes. It will not stop. The thing was that Government asked them to stay and said they will provide everything but people were adamant to go home even if food and money is given. We understand home is the place you think when in danger. But current situation is at very very high risk. If they go to their villages they can take virus to rural areas. And in the first place there is question how did people gathered in huge number in a strict lockdown! Always in good or bad situation, some people are there to disrupt conditions. I don't know why but it could by big mystery of universe. So coming days would be more hard for everyone. People getting bored and going outside should stick their ass at home.

Now even if there 1 infected person in crowd today it would bring huge number of new cases. Situation already worsening. After that, closed one is sick out there on other continent. It made me so sad that I am here in full comfort and he is there sick with no one to take care. And that country is way behind, if cases spread there nothing could stop it. Already the last day of initial lockdown is turning into worst for me. I was not able to do any work today. The daily cycle was again broke and I conclude that we could not stay happy in this days.

Then after dinner I came above and strange unexpected painful thing took place. Let me put into a story. 3 years ago, close friends were going to school in rickshaw and accident took place. They saw one of their friend pass away in front of their eyes. The pain of parents could not be imagined. He left laughing and suddenly in minutes news broke them from inside. Before he was born he had small sister who passed in first 6 months. So now he is gone too. So friends went many times to console and meet them. Eventually with time, they moved on. Here comes the tragic part. Today a friend of his was told by someone that mother of him was suffering with serious health condition and had to do surgery. But family was feared and his mom refused. So the man told his friend to go with couple of other friends and support them so they feel like someone is there in this bad times after son. So his friend panicked and called other friends. He was not tell anyone else than them. How could 20 years old even cope up with this situation and that also without telling their own parents. And strict lockdown was out there. They could take permission and go but what to tell. They are just not in position to talk and make his mom agree to do surgery who is already in the deepest point of life. Maybe family is afraid to go to hospitals in this pandemic time but in darkest times sadness and demotivating circumstances just finds in way to come in the moment, and in this case they will remember loved one the most, who is lost or taken from them. Then there is fear of his friends that they don't go in time and something bad takes place. Will break hearts forever with enormous guilt. Their will be always a sense of responsibility  coming in this time. He was their friend and they should go to his parents and support.

In above story among friends, one friend was me. At last the friend who was informed by man decided to go and meet them tomorrow as he lives near and he was told so. We will wait to what happens next. Already going through hell, this came up and we don't know what to do. Many patterns of life which I believed started to lose my faith. Every possible question to reason of our existence coming every second. Whether life is suffering or gift. Many think there is a point that nature helped spread of this virus to bring stability again on planet. Maybe it is like in Avengers : Infinity War; You may think this is suffering, but no it is salvation & A small price to pay for salvation. Who knows. We think that we could find some reasons and way things work. But it always changes in end. We just cannot predict it. I know there is possibility someone could do it in future but that are things beyond our reach. Also if God is there why he is closing his doors and letting everyone suffer. Is this part of bigger plan to make everything better again.

I then read article that somewhere pathogens are attacking trees. And there is no solution to stop it. So if you observe everything around from the end of last year and various cataclysmic events taking place; dark times have started. Maybe this is foreshadowing like in movies of what ugly is about to come. Maybe this is warning for future. No one knows more about virus and if it infects same person another time. No one would have expected it too. The fear of losing loved ones or fear of comfort being snatched away gives shiver. I am sitting here in comfort and spending time great but out there it is darkness and things are soon starting to falling apart after knowing bad things happening to people who I know. Just a negative likelihood.

I was going to share this post everywhere. But now with this things I will not. according to analytics, no one is reading this posts daily. Less than 10 people know about this. So if you are here then sorry for such negative writing. But its just what I am feeling now. And I started writing this dairy for myself, so I could see and note how world ending never seen before events change everything.

Remember the post I said that by end of lockdown we will get many answers to puzzles of nature. We just cannot. People see life is not worth living in fear. Now imagine if all people believed in that and didn't live in fear and did what they want. Whole humanity will be wiped if don't care. Caring is discomfort and hard but that is what makes human to survive and foster.

I will not write again daily. I wish I had another exact me who is me and can write for me for lifetime. Maybe I will share any different events if they happen or if I get strong emotions to pen it down somewhere; hopefully if bad things do not happen in surround or to me. Until then waiting for miracle form God or medic, scientists come up with something or superheros who are yet to come in real life and following and making others follow rules strictly with taking utmost care possible even if I am running out of patience. What we small people can do else!

To the stars...

p.s. After this post was written I got idea to do something. It will not work but anyway I will do it!

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